The Yankees New Skipper is a Piano Man

Ok, I am going to avoid the obvious topics (Sox Winless in Seattle, Clemens screwing the pooch, Yanks getting almost swept [tbd later] by the Orioles, and general gloating about the Sox still having the best record in the bigs and the Skanks hovering below .500).  What I would like to do instead is share with you a great post that I found on a CBS Sportsline message board, posted by the user Tartans.  You have to indulge me here — Billy Joel is right on the same level as the Red Sox for me in terms of absolutely irrational and obsessive attachments.

POSTED by Tartans, June 28, 2007, 1:13 pm.

“Billy Joel to manage Yankees” 

“Billy Joel to manage Yankees, I’m crazy you say….slow down and hear me out!

If that isn’t weird enough, he is always singing directly to and/or about the Yankees, which leads me to believe he might be the perfect guy to manage this squad. 

Nothing against Joe Torre, but perhaps Billy Joel is just the motivator these chumps need.  These are just a couple of the speeches Skipper Joel has issued the squad thus far through his songs:

“Big Shot” speech after Jason Giambi spoke in the press about “that stuff”:
Because you had to be a big shot, didn’t you
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn’t you
All your friends were so knocked out (you big ape).

“Piano Man” speech after the latest in a series of Friday night losses:
It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday (look at the bright side, guys – we haven’t lost yet today)
The regular crowd shuffles in (hey Derek, hey Abreu, go to hell Farnsworth)
There’s an old man sitting next to me (how’d you sleep, Roger)
Making love to his tonic and gin (save some for me, Mattingly)

“The Downeaster Alexa” speech to Johnny Damon … pick any reason:
Well I’m on the Downeaster Alexa (no you aren’t – you’re on the bench!)
And I’m cruising through Block Island Sound (you’re cruising through $50 million of Mr. Steinbrenner’s money!)
I have charted a course to the Vineyard (you’re charting a course to the minors, pal!)
But tonight I am Nantucket bound (tonight you’re going to centerfield whether you like it or not, Johnny!)

“New York State of Mind” speech after road trips:
Some folks like to get away (it’s a road trip and all teams have them, so stop whining!)
Take a holiday from the neighborhood (Oh, is that what you call this – a holiday?!?)
Hop a flight to Miami Beach (where we’ll get crushed by the Devil Rays!)
Or to Hollywood (where a real baseball team named the Angels play!)
But I’m taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line
I’m in a New York state of mind (Waaaaahhhhh!  We don’t hit well on the road! Waaaahhhhh!!!!!)

“Innocent Man” speech after an A-rod homer in a 12-2 loss:
Because I am an innocent man (no you aren’t Alex! You’re not innocent!)
I am an innocent man (you’re just as guilty as the rest of the team!)
Oh yes I am (we win as a team, we lose as a team!)
An innocent man (This conversation is over, Alex!)

“Goodnight Saigon” speech after losing two consecutive games to the Orioles:
And we would all go down together
We said we’d all go down together
Yes we would all go down together See Billy Joel would be a perfect fit!”

Oh, and here is my little addition to this post . . . . . apparently, this is already a done deal, because there is already a photo released of the new manager’s response when asked “Why do the Yankees suck so much?”: